Tip: Neither deflate your painful experience NOR minimize the power available for hope + healing

Everything effects everyone differently | Lessons learned from the convo with a vet, a park ranger, and a state trooper

 
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Only you know how something has affected you.

The problem, though, is that diminished pain gets swept under the carpet.

And, let's face it, if you sweep that stuff under the carpet long enough, you build up such a pile that you actually begin tripping over the entire rug... 

 

Trauma comes in different ways-- and in different waves

A few years ago, I found myself sitting at the table with a State Trooper and a Veteran (fought in Iraq). Sounds like the set up to a joke, I know, but what I learned from these moments is extraordinary.

Each of these guys know some of the personal struggles and landmines we've walked through-- some of them landmines I created, some of them landmines that were tossed into my path.

 

The StateTrooper mentioned the stress related to his job (he's now a rescue worker, flying around the State of Alabama in a helicopter to help people when time is of the essence or the location is otherwise impossible to reach).

Turns out, in the decade I've known him, he's lost a brother and a father. The brother's death was abrupt and unexpected; the father's was long... cumbersome... and took a massive amount of time and attention. His final year dictated the entire extended family's schedule, and I watched firsthand as this son loved his father extremely well during that final season.

It was full of emotional weight and pain, though. It wasn't easy. In fact, he wasn't sure which was the more difficult of the three.

 

The Vet told me about the war he fought-- and about getting shot at regularly. Then he hit me with something that sounded somewhat odd... at first.

"The PTSD I experienced," he said, " goes back to my childhood- and to being abused there. That was way more difficult than anything I faced as a man. Even more difficult than people shooting at me, people wanting to kill me."

 

Then the Park Ranger began talking. I'd never heard him speak about post-traumatic stress before. Before I could reply, though, he openly shared...

He continued, "The officer who trained me... my mentor... he was killed in the line of duty. When that happened, it was like my world around me came crumbling in..."

In his mind, he should have gone into work that day and taken the call that killed his mentor... even though he wasn't on the schedule.

 

The dilemma 

I began putting some of the pieces together as he elaborated.

The truth is that pain is subjective. And different things effect us all differently. 

Again, some things will knock the wind out of you yet I may not notice them. 

And there are things that will knock me over that you, yourself, would probably knock over.

 

You are the pain scale, the pain-meter

We discussed how you can't necessarily valuate the pain unless you're the subject of the pain.

"Things that rattle me," one of the men said, "may barely graze you at all..."

"And things that flip my world upside down," I replied, "my hardly bother you..."

I thought about it. When you go to the doctor's office, they give you a pain chart. Sometimes, you gauge YOUR pain on a scale of "one to ten." Other times, they show you a row of faces--all ranging from outright sad to mediocre to average to happy. You point to the face that best exemplifies YOUR pain.

The doctor doesn't ask you about his or her pain (or their perception of how much pain you should be feeling). Nor do they ask about your family's or friends' pain. They ask you to gauge YOURSELF.

 

Diminished pain goes under the carpet, becomes a bulge, and then we start tripping over it...

The takeaway?

Never minimize the pain you've experienced. Deal with it.

You see, diminished pain doesn't get dealt with, yet it still festers. Diminished pain... well... it still hurts.

If you do, you may sweep it under the carpet. You can only sweep clutter under the rug for so long... at some point, the pile builds up so large that you actually begin tripping over whatever it is that you buried.

Soul Wholeness | An online course to help you find mental health + emotional healing

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Access the Soul Wholeness video course and you'll learn things like:

💜 What true restoration + healing looks like after a tough emotional season 

💜 Three common soul wounds-- triggers (PTSD), guilt & shame, soul ties-- and how to walk through each into wholeness 

💜 Practical steps you can implement and/or teach friends & loved ones

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